Some Deep Dembow (dem-BOHW) -- June 6, 2016

Dearest Family and Friends,

Well I'll be. An actual salutation? I dunno when the last time I did one of those was, but I mean. It didn't really change the email at all, did it?

Well, it's week five of the transfer, so time's blowing by. Elder Orchard only has two weeks left and I can't believe that the clock is hammering down. It's like when you're surfing and you see a huge wave coming at you- You know it's coming and you kind of want it to get there and also really don't but it's gonna hit you whether or not you like it. Haha I've never actually been surfing before, so I don't know if it really feels like that, but that's what I imagine it feels like.

Let me tell you something. Being in the DR has upsides and I love it and all. But imagine you're sitting there. The Spirit is so thick you could cut it with a knife. You're about to invite someone to be baptized. You're just certain they're gonna accept. And then. Out of nowhere. Someone cranks an amp and your eyeballs start tangoing in your skull because the bass is vibrating so hard. Yeah. So that's a downside. In case y'all don't know what dembow is, I recommend looking up the song Tarzan by El Mayor. I do NOT recommend looking up a translation of Tarzan by El Mayor. Anyway.

So a couple of weeks ago, we did an intercambio with the elders of Sabana Perdida 2, and I was over there with Elder Aplanalp. We had an interesting experience that has been stuck in the back of my mind ever since. We were walking down the street with José, one of the members over there, when we saw a dog jump out of an alley and scare some poor girl in heels right out of her socks. We used that as an entrance and contacted her. She seemed very interested in the gospel and invited us to her house. We accepted. What followed were 90 of the most frustrating minutes of my mission.

She didn't set us up. Not really. But she never had any intention of listening to us. She was a Jehovah's Witness, and she was determined to whip us purple with the Bible. Now, I think she may have underestimated the formidability of Mormon missionaries when it comes to an old-fashioned Bible bash. She never really threw us for a loop, and from an outsider's point of view, I would humbly say that we had the upper hand for most of the conflict.

But from an insider's point of view (namely ours) it was a total failure. We may have handled every cross she tried to throw at us, but if anything, we reinforced her own conviction that she was right and left an impression of Mormon missionaries as pompous and contentious. We should NEVER have tried to fight it as we did. I suppose the important thing now is to learn from it and not repeat the experience.

Now, to be perfectly honest, I don't really know where I'm going with all of this. I don't know why I'm taking valuable time out of your respective days with this lame story, but I guess it just really struck me. One of the hardest things for me to accept as a missionary is how some people refuse to explore things outside of what they currently believe. Or some people who receive a strong spiritual witness of gospel truths eventually reject them because they like smoking or don't want to get married to their girlfriend or whatever. There was a time when I just wanted to grab these people and shake them and just shout, "STOP PLAYING AROUND, THIS IS FREAKING ETERNITY WE'RE TALKING ABOUT!!" And frankly, I still sometimes feel that. But. God respects agency. And I guess it's just a reminder of why we need to be so careful with how we use our own agency.

Anyway. Have a great week, errahbody!

Love,

Dallin

P.S. There was a kind of funny moment there at the end with that lass. Elder Aplanalp tried to give her a Restoration pamphlet and she was like, "I can't accept that. There are images in it that offend me." and Elder Aplanalp was like, "Is that so? Well, does the cover offend you? No? What about this one?" and she was like, "Yes, that one." and so Elder Aplanalp was like, "Arright," and straight up ripped the page out. She started protesting like, "Hey, you don't have to destroy the thing," and then he just started tearing them all out and it was just so unexpected. It was pretty funny. Although I mean, she still didn't accept it, so it's whatever, but it was sort of a silver lining for the experience. That's all.

Sabana Grande de BOOYAH! -- May 23, 2016

Right, so on to the week.

My new companion is Elder Orchard. He's an ancient missionary from Las Vegas. He's going to finish his mission this transfer. He's 5' 5" and I would conservatively estimate that he benches twice as much as I do. And I'm like. Ten inches taller. So. That's embarrassing. Also, we totally go to the gym in the mornings.

Being a zone leader is one heck of a job. I went up to this place called Sabana Grande de Boyá to do some baptismal interviews. Sabana Grande de Boyá is like Consuelo. It was wonderful. It smelled like cow dung and I felt right at home. I wish I knew how to type a hashtag so that I could hashtag:cachevalleylandof72000cows. Do people still hashtag? I dunno. But the interviews were fairly uneventful. We were told that the guy who was supposed to be interviewed was somewhere on a sugar cane plantation looking for lost sheep (kind of ironic, huh?) and so we didn't even end up getting to do the interview. hastag:campoproblems. BUT! I did get to write in my journal for the first time since transfers. Oh my unborn posterity is going to kill me.

Zone Conference

But it comes with perks! I got to do an intercambio with a trainee named Elder Rosales who's from Honduras and is serving in.... Los. Solares. Yeah. My old stomping grounds. And I discovered something very important. I really love Los Solares. It's not just the bomb-diggety chicken empanadas from a licensed D'Maykel franchise. Nor is it the friendly colmado owner, Freddie, who always told me that everything only costed ten pesos when it did not in fact cost ten pesos. Freddie helps though. No, as I walked down that street in Los Solares, it just felt like home.

Which is an extremely weird thought, because Los Solares is nothing like home. But it felt that way. It's also interesting because, well, it's been nearly a year since I was last there. Everything was so familiar. But also totally different. Some roads that were dirt are now paved. Juice costs like 80 pesos (!!!) New houses were built. There were different people behind the counter at the cafeteria and internet center by the house. It was the same. But different.

I think going home will be kind of like that. I don't mean to talk about going home, but as of this Wednesday, I have exactly three months remaining. That's like. A little over one scout camp season. That's really not long at all. This feeling of being an old man in the mission is odd. Becoming a better missionary has become the object of my existence for the last twenty months, and I'm still doing it, but I'm doing it with the knowledge that in a lot of cases, I'm preparing things here for someone else. The whippersnappers. The greenhorns. The younguns.

And that's okay. It's an important job and someone's gotta do it. Just feels weird is all.

But hey! Love you all and hope you have a great week!

Love,

Dallin

P.S. Sorry for the lack of pictures. I still haven't found my camera cord since being transferred.

Return to the City Slickers -- May 9, 2016

The World's Largest Mojito

This week's epistle will be very short. Apart from finding the world's largest mojito, apparently, I have been transferred. I am going to return to the zone Hainamosa, only this time, I'm going to be in the area Hainamosa. For any of y'all who done forgot, I was in the area Los Solares in that zone from February until July last year. I will be a zone leader there.

Ah! But leaving Verón. I don't really know what to say that I didn't say the last time. Leaving is still hard. I love so many people here.

But! I did want to send that group picture there that was taken yesterday (Sunday). This is a diverse roomful. Without pointing out faces or naming names, in this picture there are orphans, divorcees, widows, widowers, a homosexual, one who had committed murder, and two Mormon missionaries. These people represent broken families and regrettable decisions. They've all made some mistakes, some of them terrible, terrible mistakes.

And all of them are being healed. Because all these people were gathered in one home in the name of Jesus Christ. It seems so ridiculous. But that's just the miraculosity of missionary work.

Also, my mother is legit.

Love,

Dallin

An Email from a Stranger -- May 2, 2016

Bro. & Sister Hafer/Bro. & Sis. Johnson.

Just a quick note to tell you that I spent about an hour and half among your missionary sons this morning in Dominican Republic.  My wife and I are here vacationing and met your sons in Church this morning.  They seemed to be very good young men and a great support for the branch in Pueblo Bavaro.  They greeted us warmly as we approached the church and I was happy to see them interacting with the ward members.  

Elder Johnson played the keyboard for Sacrament meeting and did a great job.  That's a great talent which is now paying off from all the practice.  It made me think of my own 15 year old son, who has been has been taking piano lessons from his mom for many years.  I hope that he will have the same opportunities to serve as Elder Johnson. (My son's first name is Dallin also!)

Elder Hafer also is a great missionary.  The branch is very small and so he was busy doing much of the "ward clerk duties"; helping set up chairs, counting attendance, passing the sacrament.  His blue eyes were very striking among so many dark brown eyes.  It was easy to see his is a great help for the branch.

In sacrament meeting a new convert was confirmed.  Another very nice woman and her two young sons were attendance and they announced that they were scheduled for baptism in another week.  And another woman, a convert baptized just two weeks ago, said the closing prayer.  It seems they are having considerable success.  Its wonderful to see!  There was a great spirit as the members shared their testimonies.  I could feel it, even if I only understood 2% of what they said.  My wife helped fill in the gaps for me since she speaks Spanish.

Thanks for raising strong young men.  Here's a photo!

The cool thing that happened was that the man who sent this to us also gave them a referral via text. 

He said:

"Elders, we met a security guard here at the hotel, who says he's a member of the church. We think he's been a member for about 6 months. He lives in Higüay. Will you contact him, or the elders in that city, and follow up with him? We'd love to hear how it goes. We gave him a Book of Mormon, and would like him to get involved with the self reliance program. We're guessing that he needs some fellowship. Here's his contact information: 123-456-7890 Edgar "Manuel".  If you mention to him that we met him in the parking lot of Barcelo Punta Cana, and our names,  he should remember us.  Thanks."

It's worth like.... 7041 words. -- May 2, 2016

Makes me think of the song "If a picture's worth a 1000 words, ....." The Kommadant

Hello! Well, I would write a long, well-thought-out letter, but unfortunately, I'm still suffering from a severe cramp in my right wrist from last week's dissertation, so I think these pictures ought to describe the week pretty thoroughly. Ta!

Cubicle Matrimony

Because he is Jorge.

It ain't every day you find a 3 kg bucket of Nutella

PULL THE LEVER, KRONK!

Wind in your hair always makes the picture sexy. Right?

A Really, Really, Really, Really, Really, Really, Really, Really, Really, Really, Really, Really, Really, Really Long Miracle -- April 25, 2016

Happy Tuesday! I couldn't write this yesterday because yesterday was a crazy Monday and I can't wait to tell you all about it. So. Let's get to it.

At 12:45 pm yesterday morning, Elder Hafer and I found ourselves in a judge's office in the Verón city hall with our branch president and a lovely couple named Jordanny and Nailín. They were getting married in preparation for their baptism the same night. And the fact that I could write this last paragraph is a miracle.

Unlike the vast majority of our human interactions in the

mission, Jordanny actually contacted us. He stopped Elder Hafer and I in the street and was like, "Hey, you guys are Mormons, right?" and we were like, "Well. Yeah. Mormonazos." And he was like, "Cool. I have a buddy named Fernando who's a Mormon and he's pretty legit." So we were like, "Hey, that's awesome. Do you have any specific questions we can answer for you?" and he was like, "Yes. What do I have to do to get baptized?" After we picked our jaws up off the ground, we were like. "Wow. That's the best question we've gotten all day." And so it was. We met his wife, Nailín, which actually complicated things somewhat because, like roughly ninety-eight percent of all couples under the age of 25 who live together in this country, him and his wife were not married. But they were both very receptive and they love each other and so they agreed to get married and then baptized. This was back at the end of February. Everything was going so smoothly.

Then the hiccups started. The initial marriage/baptismal date was set for April 9. Things were proceeding pretty well until the last Sunday in March, when we were going to announce the baptism. Jordanny pulled me aside and told me that they had had a fight and that they were going to call off the wedding. It was nothing serious, just a lover's quarrel where they both said things they didn't mean. And so, they still wanted to get baptized, but they were going to get separated in order to do it.

Well I wasn't about to swallow that. We'd planned to go into the office on Tuesday to put the appointment to marry them and I get very grumpy when I have to change my plans. I don't consider myself a terribly stubborn person, but. Well. I don't always put my mind to it, but when I put my mind to it, I could challenge a brick wall to a staring contest and. Okay. I probably wouldn't win, because, I mean, let's be real here, it's a brick wall, but I would stare at a brick wall for a couple of hours, which is more than most people would do. And so Elder Hafer and I went to their house on Sunday. And Monday. And we battled with them. Elder Hafer talked to them about how much God loves them while I looked for scriptures in the epistles of Paul because if you want to rebuke someone, Paul's your man. And when Tuesday arrived (Tuesday being the day we had to go put the appointment) they were still very set on separation, so we went that day too. Finally, defeated and out of any other ideas of what to do, we left them a heartfelt testimony and told them to call us if they changed their minds.

Elder Hafer and I were trudging melancholaly (I dunno if that's actually a word, but it's pretty fun to say) down the road, not saying a word. It was really kind of depressing. Finally, Elder Hafer said, "Well. What do we do now? We were gonna go put the appointment, but...." And then it hit me. What were we doing? Who were we to take the celestial task of touching the hearts of God's children upon ourselves like that? And so I said, "Elder Hafer, we are going to say a prayer and then we are going to see with the eye of faith and act with that knowledge that God will touch their hearts. Sometimes God's children make silly choices, but NOT TODAY. They are going to get married, and we're going to prepare the way for Him to bless them." And so we did. We had fought with them for three days and they still hadn't said yes, so we went and we put that appointment anyway. We walked out of the office at about three thirty pm. At five, our phone rang, and it was Nailín. "We changed our minds, we're getting married!" And the ensuing dancing on the part of Elder Hafer and I (which took place on the median between a busy highway, I'll have you know) attracted such attention that a truck of tourists literally stopped to take pictures. Now, I don't know if that means that we forgot our place as representatives of Jesus Christ, but it felt awfully good.

Despite this victory, they didn't actually get married and baptized on the ninth as planned. On the sixth, Nailín's oldest son was hit by a semi. He lives in the capital, and due to their economic situation, they had to take him to one of the atrocious public hospitals there. We're told that because of the hectic nature of these hospitals, if the sick or injured don't have someone healthy with them and something happens, the doctors will take hours to get to them, which can result in serious complications and sometimes death. So being the excellent mother she is, Nailín immediately rushed off to attend to her son. This was not a problem we would ever fight her on, but once we were assured that her son was alright and was expected to recover, we were very worried about their spiritual well-being and so we once again turned to the Lord and supplicated him for help. He answered in the form of President Ahmad Saleem Corbitt.

President Corbitt went to the hospital to visit Nailín. He told us afterward about the experience. He went in and got to know Nailín some and then asked her son if he would like a priesthood blessing. He responded that he did. Now, they were sharing the room with about ten other patients, and so President asked them all to turn off the TV and other distractions while he did the blessing, which they did. It's one of the blessings of being in such a proudly Christian country. President blessed her son and then, with everyone looking on, he turned and asked if they wanted him to pray for all of the children there.

And so it was that the entire pediatric ward in the Dario Contreras Hospital in Santo Domingo bowed their heads and listened in reverence to the humble, heartfelt prayer of a Mormon mission president from America. I wasn't even there and it's still one of the most precious moments of my mission.

And so, finally, yesterday, Jordanny and Nailín were married by the law and then baptized as the newest members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. The service was so beautiful. Everything went perfectly. Well, apart from the fact that I had to baptize Jordanny three times, which kind of boggles the mind when you consider that I dropped him on the second attempt. The problem was that we were baptizing him in the kiddie pool, which is fine if you're five foot four, but where Jordanny is about six feet tall, the water only came up to about two inches above his knees. We wised up and the third time, we moved to the adult pool and it worked much better.

Experiences like this only reinforce my testimony. In spite of all the struggles and challenges we faced along the way, it's been a worthy fight. Every time we visit them in their home, we can feel a spirit of love and peace that did not exist there the first time we crossed that threshold. The Lord has helped them to find a love and devotion to him and to each other that I want emulated in my own marriage whenever that day comes. It's a miracle how He's been able to change them in so little time and I can't wait to see where they'll be in the months and years to come.

So! Another week has passed out here in Verón. As of myself, I just feel full. Full of empanadas, full of happiness, just full. The mission isn't easy and there are times when I feel frustrated. But I know where I'm supposed to be and I thank God every day He allowed a dingbat like me to be a part of this miraculous work.

I hope you all have the grandest of weeks.

Amen, hallelujah,

Elder Dallin Johnson

P.S. If you're reading this P.S., you're also a testimony to me of the miracle of enduring this email to end, and I congratulate you.

Elders Johnson and Hafer Go to Town: In which Elders Johnson and Hafer actually do mission work- and write home about it -- April 18, 2016

Holy cow. It is hot. I'm in awe. I've been here for coming up on nineteen months and it still blows my mind that the earth can get so blasted hot. I understand with my conscious mind that the large incandescent ball of several million megatons of rapidly fusing hydrogen and helium in the sky here is the same one as in Utah, but good gracious, how does it get so HOT?

So yesterday, our branch president invited Elder Hafer and I to come teach a referral in his house. She was a lass named Franchesca. Well, we headed over and started a pretty by-the-book lesson with a solid How to Begin Teaching followed up with Lesson One. We got through prophets and the apostasy and everything was going so smoothly. We flipped to the page in the pamphlet with the picture of Joseph Smith in the Sacred Grove and I told the story of Joseph Smith and recited the First Vision and then, with the words "Hear him!" echoing in her ears, I turned it over to Elder Hafer. And. Well. We had a hiccup. A rookie mistake, really. He went straight from the First Vision into the Book of Mormon. No transition. No segway. No mention about God saying that none of the churches were correct or the fact that Joseph Smith had ever, you know, restored the Church, or question about how she could know if it was true. Just right to the Book of Mormon.

I sat there, watching Franchesca's face getting more and more confused as Elder Hafer rattled on. He probably went for a solid ninety seconds, barely stopping for breath. I thought about what to do. Deeply contemplated punching him in the jaw. I ended up just praying. And then. Elder Hafer finally turned the page in the pamphlet, which had the next point, "THE RESTORATION OF THE PRIESTHOOD" emblazoned in bold at the top. His breath kind of caught in his throat. He looked up at Franchesca and then back down. He looked at me and gave a kind of strangled laugh. His face was alternating between bright red and white as a sheet. It was actually very funny. His lips were twitching but nothing was coming out. Finally, still looking at Franchesca, he managed to croak out, "Bro. Help. Help, I done messed up." I lost it. I was laughing so hard. Franchesca and President Guerrero were also laughing, although they didn't know why. Finally, we settled down and we got things back on track. She accepted a date to be baptized in May. Great lesson.

But apart from all of that, these last two weeks, we had a marriage and three baptisms. We've been so blessed. The first was a couple named Miguel and Rossi. They're such special people. We had some challenges (such as having to get past an airport, a two-mile long road, and two security checkpoints with shotgun-wielding guards to get Miguel's ID papers to get 'em hitched. Seriously.) but in the end, good prevailed and we had a BEAUTIFUL EXPERIENCE that deserved all caps just to show you all how dang beautiful it was.

And then, the guy who was baptized this last Saturday was named José, just like twenty percent of everyone else on the island. José was just prepared. From the beginning. We honestly had very little to do with it. It was beautiful anyway.

But hey, that's us! Life's good.

Much love,

Dallin